November 6 - Introduction

I have been with my man B since June 8, 2019 (5 months this Friday). I had the opportunity to read my Man’s blog from the beginning to the end to learn about him and to discover the great man he is. As he did not have the same opportunity to have access to my thoughts and feelings, we decided that I would share on this blog and let people know about the development of our love story. Sometimes I will also react to what he writes. So this my first entry and I am happy to introduce myself.

 

I am 63 years old (soon to be 64 in 8 days). I am born in Quebec City and my mother tongue is French. on this site, I will use English as it is our common language. I am the eldest of a family of 5 (3 sisters and 1 brother). I still have my mom who is living in a long-term care home. I lost my dad when I was 20 years old. I moved to Ottawa in 1974 to study to be a missionary priest to Africa. After 1 year, I decided to take some time away from the studies and think about my « vocation ». I never returned and started working in long-term care.

 

I have known I was a gay man from an early age. My thoughts, dreams and fantaisies when I was young were directly mostly about men. In high school, I had some sexual gay experiences with other guys. I was dreaming about having a real boyfriend. Most of my school mates were talking about meeting and kissing girls. I did lie by pretending to have a girlfriend. I did not feel any attraction to girls. I grew up and went to school into a private CATHOLIC environment. So having sex with men was forbidden and discouraged. We were told that this was a mortal sin (if you die in a state of mortal sin, so you go directly to hell). At my high school and college graduations, I asked a girl to be my date. I was not attracted so I was respectful by not kissing them. And my college graduation, she was very upset because she would have wanted me to kiss her and may be more. But I did not know what to do.

 

After I moved to Ottawa, I was looking for very discreet experiences with men. At my work, I met a woman colleague and became friend. She invited me to her apartment many times and we were playing card games and chat. It took a long time before we had sex. one night, I was drunk and she invited me to sleep over. During the night, she is the one who initiated the sex. I liked it. It was my first experience with a woman. But I was thinking about men when making love. At that time, I thought that if I would marry her, it will cure my homosexuality and would be OK. So I asked to marry her. During those years together, I also met men to have a good time and I started to have feelings for some of them. In those cases, I ended the relationship right away. After 6 years, I decided to tell her the truth and end our marriage.

 

In another blog I will tell you what happened next.

 

I want to jump to the present. Since I met my Man B, I have been very happy. It’s really a 2-way relationship. I am learning about him but I am also learning more about me. I want this relationship to succeed and I am optimistic it will. When I met my Man I was attracted by.his wonderful smile and then how openly gay he is. My heart melted when we went for a walk and he took my hand and then when we went to a public park (with many people and families around us) to hug and kiss each other. And our sex life is very compatible and great. I feel it is more a deep communication between us than just fun. We have many values, hobbies and things in common. I have a great respect for my Man B. I love you B.

 

I will stop now and continue another day. I will be happy to read comments and answer questions.